I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
