Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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