I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
