My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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