I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
