If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
