If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize