i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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