So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
