Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
