Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
