Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
