it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
