and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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