What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
