Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
