I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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