I think im going to throw up on grandma
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
