Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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