Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
