Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize