the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
