thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize