That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
