i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
