the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
