Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
