i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize