Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
