Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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