She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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