So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize