You just made me feel so damn special
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
