i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
