dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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