everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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