I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
