that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
