This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
