My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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