this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
