I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
