6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
