it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I love having hate sex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
