One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
