is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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