The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
