I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
