just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize