Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize