These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
