Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
