theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
