if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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