Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
