I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
