i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
