I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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