weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
