I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
