Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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