ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
