My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
