I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
