she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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