Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
