dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
