is your mom at the bar?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
