I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
