that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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