Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
