Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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