She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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