Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
