Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
