Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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