So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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