You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
