i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
