you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
