3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
