Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize