Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
