yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
