I wish I could teleport
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
