Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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