roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
