Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
