Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize