I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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