Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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