Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
