i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
