I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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