yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
