i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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