I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
