Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize