so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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