There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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