batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
