I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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