O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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