I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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