I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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